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O R I G I N A L P A P E R

Undisclosed Paternal Identity in Narratives of Distress Among
Young People in Eastern Cape, South Africa

Mzikazi Nduna • Rachel Jewkes

Published online: 17 July 2010

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� Springer Science+Business Media, LLC 2010

Abstract Life trajectories of children with no connec-

tions to support from their fathers have received research

attention. Within this group is a sub-group who do not

know their fathers and no research has attempted to

understand their experiences. We present accounts of how

young South Africans deal with and seek to uncover

undisclosed paternity. Forty young men and women aged

16 to 22 volunteered to participate in a qualitative study on

distress that was conducted in the Eastern Cape Province.

All interviews were conducted in isiXhosa, following a

semi-structured guide. Our findings show that interest in

father identity was motivated by harsh circumstances in the

maternal home, notably when financial difficulties, exclu-

sion from critical decision making and bullying by non-

biological siblings were felt. The search for father identity

was pursued in solitude by some participants: their fear of

elders’ response restrained them from asking. Some

thought that it would be interpreted as being disrespectful

and ungrateful to ask ‘such a question’, whilst others

worried that they might be victimized or, worse, thrown out

by their mothers or maternal guardians. We present

accounts of accidental disclosures by strangers and also

inadvertent involvement in an incestuous relationship.

Open and honest communication with children about their

paternal identity should be promoted to prevent the cur-

rents of silence, secrecy and anxiety, and avoid unpleasant

surprises for the children.

Keywords Family � Father � Paternity � Youth �
South Africa

Introduction

Children’s experience of undisclosed paternity has

received no specific research attention. This phenomenon is

mentioned in passing with reference to absent fathers in

studies of family life, masculinity, fatherhood, orphanhood

and poverty (Denis and Ntsimane 2006; Eddy 2009;

Freeman and Nkomo 2006; Hunter 2006; Kane-Berman

2009; Madhavan et al. 2008; May and Norton 1997; Moore

1988; Ramphele and Richter 2006; Townsend et al. 2005).

Yet there is a difference between absent fathers and

undisclosed paternal identity. ‘Absent fathers’ is a broad

category, and studies from South Africa report on the

demographics, causes, increase and possible impact of

absent African fathers but do not report on the experiences

and how children are affected when paternal identity was

unknown to them (Coovadia et al. 2009; Denis and

Ntsimane 2006; Department of Health, Medical Research

Council, and Measure DHS? 2002; Department of Health,

Medical Research Council and OrcMacro 2007; Eddy

2009; Freeman and Nkomo 2006; Jewkes et al. 2006;

Kane-Berman 2009; Madhavan et al. 2008; Posel and

Devey 2006). Sometimes children with absent fathers may

not know their father and this causes problems. For exam-

ple, in a study conducted in the Mpumalanga province,

24% of the 315 children aged 10 and 11 did not have any

connection with their fathers, sometimes the biological

father was genuinely unknown to the mother, child, and

other kin (Townsend et al. 2005). In other cases a father

maybe known to the mother (and possibly more widely),

but he had never acknowledged paternity (Datta 2007;

M. Nduna (&)
Department of Psychology, University of Witwatersrand,

Private Bag X3, WITS, 2050 Johannesburg, South Africa

e-mail: Mzikazi.nduna@wits.ac.za

R. Jewkes

Gender and Health Research Unit, Medical Research Council,

Pretoria, South Africa

123

J Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303–310

DOI 10.1007/s10826-010-9393-4

Denis and Ntsimane 2006; Hunter 2006; Nduna and

Maseko 2008).

Research on adolescence shows this to be a time when

the need for family belonging and identity becomes par-

ticularly strong and children generally have a need to know

their parents (Plotnik 1999; Ramphele and Richter 2006;

Sebastian et al. 2008; Thomas 1992; Turney 2005; Weiten

2001; Zimardo et al. 1993). Evidence to support this comes

from qualitative research with adults in Botswana. Partic-

ipants said that where paternal identity was undisclosed,

they started asking questions during their adolescence

about their fathers and wanted to find them (Datta 2007).

Similar findings emerged from women in South Africa

whose children asked them to disclose true paternity (Denis

and Ntsimane 2006). However, there is limited under-

standing of the specific dimensions of family functioning

that prompt this. In this paper, through participants’

accounts, we demonstrate how maternal family circum-

stances breed a sense of both physical and emotional

insecurity for children who have no knowledge of, and no

connection with their biological fathers.

Method

We conducted a phenomenological study in distress in

Butterworth, a small town in the predominantly rural

province of the Eastern Cape in South Africa. This district

has three suburbs, seven townships, eight informal settle-

ments and 25 rural villages. Residents are mainly Black

Africans of the AmaMfengu tribe, mostly Christians and in

the low to middle class. We recruited youth aged between

16 and 24 who were either in or out of school. Volunteers

came to know about the study through a research assistant,

a study announcement made at two local high schools

through life skills teachers, and by word of mouth.

A snowball approach best describes the recruitment strat-

egy (Speziale and Carpenter 2007). In isiXhosa, we

described the study in information sheets as research about

young people and their life experiences; we described the

study selection procedures, its voluntary nature and meth-

ods of information collection. We sent information sheets

to the research assistant a month before field work began so

that they are distributed to potential participants. On the

day of data collection, we re-emphasized information about

the study in order to ascertain that volunteers were aware of

the details in the information sheets. All participants gave

written consent for the interview to be audio-recorded.

In September 2007 and April 2008 we interviewed a

total of 40 young people at venues as agreed with the

participants: either at school or in the researcher’s car. On

the few occasions when visual privacy could not be

guaranteed, auditory privacy was always ensured. We

conducted all interviews in isiXhosa following a

semi-structured interview guide. Each interview took about

an hour. We asked participants to recall and describe a life

experience that bothered them or caused them pain,

describe how they think the experience affected their daily

life, how others (family, relatives or anybody else)

responded and what attempts at resolution did they explore.

We transcribed interviews verbatim and translated them

into English. We obtained ethical approval for the study

from the University of Witwatersrand and we used

pseudonyms for participants during transcription.

During the research process we paid particular attention

to representing the participant’s experiences accurately.

The first author for this paper originates from the same

place, bringing a deep, insider view to the lives of the

people under study. This strengthens the validity of the

interpretation of findings (O’Connor and Gibson 2003).

Both authors have worked with young people in this area

on interventions and research, which enhances their cred-

ibility and cultural knowledge. After the initial preliminary

analysis, we run a workshop in Butterworth to present the

findings and see whether they fitted with the community’s

experience; this is called member checking and is a rec-

ommended way to confirm the credibility of qualitative

findings (Speziale and Carpenter 2007).

The sample consisted of 24 females and 16 males, half

under and half over 18. Twenty-seven of the participants

were high school students, 10 were enrolled at the

University of Technology and three were out of school but

unemployed. Eight of those in high schools were over the

age of 18. All were still under parental care. Thirty had

lived most of their lives in the townships whilst the other

10 predominantly grew up in villages. Sixteen were living

with a primary caregiver who was neither their biological

mother nor father. Five had lost both parents, 10 had lost a

father only and six a mother only. The longest period of

loss of a parent was 10 years and the shortest was 2 years.

Pain associated with the narration was deeply personal and

profoundly disabling for many participants, as it was in an

intimate arena of their familial lives. For some participants,

sharing their stories was seen as a journey of healing.

We offered a referral to the social workers for participants

who appeared extremely distressed in telling their stories.

None of them took the offer, a choice that was respected.

For some participants the pain remained intensely private—

not even to be discussed with closest of family and friends.

We analyzed the data following conventional qualitative

approaches and recommendations for phenomenological

studies (Babbie 2008; Speziale and Carpenter 2007).

During the process of coding we clustered together similar

elements from the narratives and labeled them as themes.

We identified the theme of ‘unknown father’ as dominant

in different narratives. Twenty-one of the 40 respondents

304 J Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303–310

123

spoke about absent fathers as their main source of distress.

At the time of the interview, some had hints about their

father’s name, clan, surname, and place of origin or work,

but had no connection with him. As this was a recurring

and pronounced theme, all narratives that referred to this

were further coded to look at meanings attached to the

experience and responses of significant others when the

question of father identity was asked. The focused analysis

resulted in this paper. We have presented exhaustive

descriptions of broader findings on distress from the study

elsewhere (Nduna 2010; Nduna and Jewkes 2010).

Results

We present findings on how participants approached and

dealt with the question of unknown father identity. Silence

from mothers about the identity of the father caused feel-

ings of insecurity, anxiety and frustration for the partici-

pants. Participants described how interest in their father’s

identity started in the middle to late teens, although some

learnt about their fathers from the village when much

younger. We also show how an inadvertent case of incest

was both an opportunity to discover the true identity of a

father and a bitter consequence of undisclosed true

paternity.

Motivations for Seeking Paternal Disclosure

Participants’ motivations for seeking to know their fathers

differed, but in the main, they responded to financial

hardships and physical and emotional abuse from maternal

relatives and stepparents. Financial contributions towards

clothes, food and education defined the material value of

the absent father, beyond identity completion. For example,

Sipho (male, 22), like others, worried about his mother’s

inability to raise money to ensure that he could complete

high school, and this prompted his questions about his

father. Sipho said:

‘‘…Last year here at school they were asking us for
school fees, R400…She [mom] said she did not have
money…I asked her ‘what about my father where is
he? You once told me he is a teacher’…’’

When we met him for the interview Sipho was among

the students who had not paid tuition fees for the current

year and possible school exclusion worried him. The theme

of hardships prevailed and it was a motivation for Phakama

(female, 18) to run away from her maternal home where

they would go ‘‘…without food and could not afford
school…’’. She was a maternal orphan whose maternal
grandparents would not allow her to know about her father.

Some of the participants did not stay with their mothers, or

the mothers were unemployed or had died. In the absence

of their mothers and with no knowledge of their fathers,

they often occupied a particularly low status in their homes

and had no one to stand up for them. This experience

motivated Phakama to follow leads as to her father’s

whereabouts, in the hope of breaking away from the pov-

erty of her maternal home. She discovered that her father

was a teacher, and so ran away to find him. Phakama was

living with her father at the time of the interview. Others

described times when they were bullied by cousins and

relatives. They talked about moving between homes to be

cared for by different uncles and aunts, resulting in dis-

rupted education. At homes they felt that they were asked

to do heavier work and were punished through severe

beatings, especially by uncles. They understood that the

fact that they ‘did not have a father’ explained the harsh

treatment they received.

Chuma’s (male, 17) father denied that he was respon-

sible for the pregnancy and left his mother unsupported.

She married another man. Chuma’s narrative focused on

his experience with his stepfather, who painfully and

consistently reminded him that he was not his father.

Chuma felt unloved and rejected, and he perceived his

presence in his home to be a source of marital conflict

between his mother and step-father. Even though his

stepfather had a job in the government as a civil servant,

they were short of money even for rent, and had to move to

a village. This was a sign of social demotion. Chuma made

money working as a vendor after school, selling sweets,

vegetables and other items, a source of both pride and pain.

As he said: ‘‘…I was playing a father’s role of making sure
that I support my mother to put food on the table…’’:
meanwhile she had not given him a clue about the

whereabouts of his father.

Not all were so disadvantaged and Nkosazana’s narra-

tive shows that where money was available and familial

kindness forthcoming, paternal identity was less of an

issue. Her maternal family was well placed to fully provide

support. Her maternal uncle, a teacher, met her financial

and emotional needs. She never enquired about her father

and did not keep his contact details even after she had met

him. She said: ‘‘…When we met I did not have any unmet
needs, I’m being provided with everything that I need…’’.
This contention was rare in the other narratives.

Status and Recognition in Maternal Homes

A socially recognized connection through paternity legiti-

mizes claims of belonging and improves the status of

children in their homes. Though the treatment of children

and their levels of involvement in decision-making vary

from family to family, we uncovered complaints of being

excluded from decision making by some participants with

J Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303–310 305

123

absent fathers. Others said they felt like outsiders and

during family conflicts they were sometimes told that they

did not belong to the home. This made them feel insecure

as they felt that their situation allowed them to be black-

mailed and abused. Some felt that they were being chased

out of the home and indeed had moved out. According to

Donga’s narrative conflict did not always evoke feelings of

being an outsider. Donga (male, 20) grew up with his

mother and was content with her financial and emotional

support. Donga had just come out of ukwaluka and was

ikrwala [a new man]. ‘Ukwaluka’ is a rite of passage for

amaXhosa boys that comprise a series of rituals in African

traditional religion upon which status change to manhood

is acknowledged (Mager 1998; Mavundla et al. 2009;

Mekoa 2003). The ritual involves sending boys, usually at

age 18, to a 4-week initiation school, after which they

should forsake boyish behavior and assume adult behavior.

The boy’s father, his male relatives and elderly men in the

community, as custodians of the tradition, play a significant

role in initiating the boy. Donga reflected on his father’s

expected role as someone who, he hoped, would help him

to enter manhood and ensure that his new status would be

taken seriously. He complained that in his maternal home

‘‘…Sometimes you find that there is umsebenzi [traditional
ceremony or ritual] to be done at home and find that I have

not been informed…at the end I am a man and I belong to
this home; there is no other home that I know of…’’. The
‘umsebenzi’ [traditional ceremony] referred to here was

held at his village home a few weeks before we met him for

the interview. These ceremonies are customary in the

Xhosa tradition and have significance for family members.

Usually sacrifices to the ancestors are made; those who are

present are believed to receive ancestral blessings. He felt

undermined as a man that his mother did not tell him about

it and he interpreted it in terms of his absent father and as a

sign of his unrecognized social status within his maternal

home.

Asking Questions

We asked participants if they ever asked their mothers or

other relevant adults about the identity and whereabouts of

their fathers. Most said that questioning mothers or other

guardians about paternal identity was uncomfortable.

Again and again they spoke about avoiding asking ‘‘such a

question’’. This quote from Donga supports this:

Sometimes you feel like asking the parent that you

currently stay with, in my case my mother but you

also have that fear and find that you are unable to ask

such a question so that’s what is really bothering

me…I just lock myself in my room thinking that if

my father was around things would have been dif-

ferent so I do cry sometimes but not loud…When I
see other [young] females don’t want their children

to know their fathers then I ask myself if that

particular woman knows the pain that the child

will go through because I know it from experi-

ence…I am here without the knowledge of who
my father is…

Participants instinctively felt that they might be looked

at and treated differently after asking such a question; or,

worse, they might be thrown out of the house for being

‘ungrateful’ to their single mothers. For example, Donga

said: ‘‘…I am avoiding my mother…so I am avoiding the
fact that when she sees me crying she would want to find

out why, then I would say it’s because my father…That’s
what I hate whereas she raised me alone up to this stage so

I think she would ask why am I only asking about my father

now…’’. For others it was a topic that had never been
discussed at home and so they were loath to raise it,

intuitively feeling that it was potentially explosive.

Interestingly, for males, a strategic opportunity arose to

ask. During preparations for ukwaluka (initiation school),

consultation with the father is important. Normally, imbe-

leko should precede ukwaluka. Imbeleko is a sacrificial

ritual in which a newly born child, as a new member of the

family, is introduced to a clan of ancestors (Kuckertz 1990;

Mkhize 2006). Boys raised by their mother’s family can

have these rituals done under the auspices of their maternal

family. When Donga (male, 20) and Sipho (male, 22) were

preparing to go to the initiation school, a traditional healer

advised that Donga’s father be involved in the initiation,

and asked who the father was. Sipho’s uncles suggested to

the boys’ mothers that it was important to invite and

involve the fathers, or their clan members, so as to initiate

connections with ancestors. Sipho’s uncle suggested that he

should have his imbeleko done first ‘‘…with the knowledge,
presence and participation of my father…’’. Both boys
were frustrated that their mothers neither heeded the call to

invite the fathers, nor disclosed their fathers. Donga’s elder

brother dismissed this question, saying that he too did not

know his own father and he were initiated by his maternal

family. Both Sipho and Donga were very appreciative of

their mothers, and ultimately they did not contest under-

going initiation under their maternal families. Thus, the

boys missed the opportunity provided by ukwaluka.

Donga’s mother was adamant about establishing her posi-

tion, and, in fact, she used the opportunity during umgidi

[the return from the initiations school ceremony] to pub-

licly announce that ‘‘…she is my mother and father at the
same time, there is no one else…’’. She clearly knew that
her son was waiting for her answer to the question posed by

the traditional healer and her making this statement

306 J Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303–310

123

publicly further restrained Donga from ever asking again;

as he said ‘‘…I decided not to ask any question again…I
never asked that at all…’’.

Open Secrets

Despite the frustrating and daunting silence, some partici-

pants stated that they felt that they were old enough to be

able to handle the truth even if they had to keep it secret,

and few asked either their mothers or aunts who their

fathers were. Responses varied, but after the child dis-

covered truth on their own some mothers said they were

‘‘waiting until the right time’’ to tell them. In an account of

undisclosed adoption, a drunken man told Nombeko

(female, 22) that the woman she knew as her older sister

was actually her mother (she was being raised by her

maternal grandparents). Nombeko did some research in the

village and among other things she leant who her father

was. Nombeko said ‘‘… each time I asked, my grand-
mother shouted or beat me…’’ for asking about informa-
tion she heard from the street. She said: ‘‘…By the time
I asked I needed to confirm something that I already knew,

I needed to hear it from an adult…from my own family…
so I gave up…’’ Nombeko described with bitterness how
her family’s response strained their relationship and caused

her more confusion.

In another open secret, neighbours introduced Phakama

(female, 18) to her brother, from another mother. Her half-

brother persuaded her to go 80 km to the town of Butter-

worth to meet their father because he ‘‘… needed…’’ her,
but he could not come and ask her grandparents because he

‘‘…did not pay damages…’’. ‘Damages’ refer to a tradi-
tional form of accepting paternity in the event of a preg-

nancy that happen out-of-wedlock. It is in the form of

payment due from a man to the woman’s family. Failure to

pay damages following pregnancy meant that grandparents

did not allow the father to come and visit his child.

Phakama’s paternal family lived in the same village but her

maternal grandparents would not allow them near her

because ‘‘…they would steal and take me to my father in
Butterworth…I didn’t know my father, I only heard from
people that he is Butterworth, he is like this and that…’’.
Phakama did not discuss her discovery of her father with

her maternal grandparents as she thought it would be

unacceptable; she and her step-brother ran away from their

respective maternal homes to stay with their father.

Participants invariably brought news they heard about their

father’s identities home. Nkosazana was aged 13 when she

went back home to ask her family about the man in the

street who told her that he was her father- her family

welcomed the discussion.

Incest: Discovering the Truth and a Bitter Consequence

of Undisclosed Paternity

There are many opportunities for sexual encounters among

the youth in the communities we studied, as they attended

the same schools, played in the same streets and used the

same shops. Phakama was in her early teens, and she said

she once overheard her father saying that he had fourteen

children; since she had not met many of them, she worried

about potential incest. Such worries cannot be dismissed,

as incest was a pathway to discovery of true paternity for

Siyabonga (male, 19). He said:

…My girlfriend came to visit me at my home and my
mother saw her and asked me if we knew each other,

I said yes. She said that ‘it is good that kids of the

same father know each other…if your father was still
alive he would be very happy to see you toge-

ther’…the girl and I had no clue what she was saying
about ‘your father’…

In hindsight he realized that, in the course of his long-

standing relationship with the girl, some villagers had made

suggestive comments that they looked alike, but they were

oblivious to the implications, as they had no clue to their

fathers’ identities. Siyabonga was conceived as a result of

rape, and his (late) father rejected responsibility, which

could explain why his mother kept this a secret. This

severely affected him. He lashed out at his mother and even

accused her of having killed his father through witchcraft;

later he displayed an array of behavioral problems,

including drinking, disappearing from home, pick-pocket-

ing and bunking school. He was angry with his mother for

not telling him the truth much earlier. He got confused

about different versions of the truth and even attempted

suicide.

Discussion

Our findings suggest that seeking paternal identity was not

only about establishing identity, as theories of adolescence

may suggest; rather, in the context of poverty, the primary

motivation was to get support from the father. In large

families where three generations often lived in one house

with no one working poverty and hardship were pro-

nounced. In today’s economic context, where 75% of

African children in South Africa are reported to live in

income poverty, financial hardship places extreme pressure

on families; this results in a lack of basic necessities such

as food and money for schooling (Eddy 2009; Mkhize

2006). As reported here, when resources were limited, and

family membership was viewed in terms of access to

J Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303–310 307

123

family resources this provided a motivation for restricting

family membership which generated intrafamilial conflict

and raises challenges related to family adoption for chil-

dren who do not know their fathers. In these circumstances

some participants responded at an intrapsychic level and

felt themselves to be additional and unnecessary burdens.

Other’s responses operated at an interpersonal level by

accusing their mothers of hiding information from them.

However, considering the broader context of poverty, the

suffering borne by the participants may not always have

been motivated by evil on the side of the guardians.

Families may have been ripped apart simply because they

had fallen on hard times brought about by illness, death and

poverty. This is illustrated in another paper (Nduna and

Jewkes 2010). These situations challenge the assumption

that a child born out of wedlock will be taken care of by

maternal grandparents, guaranteed lineage, social position,

ancestral protection and material support (Datta 2007;

Euler et al. 2001; Jewkes et al. 2009; Kaufman et al. 2001;

Kuckertz 1990; Malherbe 2006, 2007; Risseeuw and

Palriwala 1996), more so for children with no connection

and no knowledge of their fathers.

Physical suffering, emotional starvation, and the cold

absence of love, tenderness and care were some of the

motivations for seeking paternal identity as identified in

this paper. Participants talked about having nobody to turn

to and in their eyes this was personalized and they blamed

those who acted as their guardians for hiding their true

paternity. Failures by both the mother and the unknown

father to offer proper care to the children rendered them

powerless, voiceless and the most vulnerable members of

the extended family households where some lived. Harsh

treatment by relatives led to participants’ perceptions of

weakened family loyalties, and left questions about their

safety under maternal uncles. This increased their moti-

vation to want to know their own fathers. Psychological

theories contend that adolescence is a period of evaluation

when children start to monitor the social world around

them, interpret others’ behaviors and question intentions

(Plotnik 1999; Santrock 2005). Our participants interpreted

the actions of maternal relatives as sinister. We argue that

whilst participants were incorporated by their maternal

families, narratives of exploitation, differential treatment,

blackmail, abuse by relatives and loveless households that

were utterly characterized by conflicts posed questions for

assumptions about traditional and time-honored role of

families in protecting children. Supporting research

showing that security is not always guaranteed for children

in maternal homes (Freeman and Nkomo 2006; Risseeuw

and Palriwala 1996; Shaffer 2002) more so when they do

not have connection to their fathers.

On the male participants’ side, frustrations of undis-

closed father identity were rooted in tensions around

perceptions of their ‘adult’ status.The two males felt that

their age and the manly status acquired through tradition

entitled them to expect a more open adult relationship with

their mothers. They were disappointed that their mothers

were not ready to talk to them openly even when an

opportunity presented itself during preparations for ukwa-

luka. The desired role of the biological father in prepara-

tion for initiation school emanating from the belief in

ancestral protection (Datta 2007; Morrell and Richter

2006) was an opportunity that could have been utilized for

disclosure. The search for the father can be facilitated or

thwarted by different responses. The silence could also

speak volumes about the circumstances of pregnancy.

As children, participants did not have the authority get

adults to listen to them. Lack of communication can be

interpreted as a sign of negative family functioning. On the

child’s side, knowing one’s father might be expected to

heal the pain; children felt that perhaps this should start

with the mothers acknowledging the great wrong that has

been done by not disclosing father identity to their chil-

dren. Parents’ common response that they were waiting for

the right time—though these narratives came from children

older than the age of 18, which is considered the age of

maturity—reflected what has been identified as parents’

ambivalent feelings about their children being adults

(Santrock 1992, 2005; Shaffer 2002). However, the

extended family and neighbors helped participants in some

instances to discover the identities and whereabouts of their

true fathers.

These findings show that where lies were told, or truths

untold, the pain was significant for the participants. How-

ever, the silent search suggested that asking about father’s

identity required carefully balancing the need to show

respect and gratitude to the mother with the need to know.

Adolescence is usually presented as a stage characterized

by conflict with parents (Rice 1984; Shaffer 2002; Thomas

1992). These youths, by not asking, avoided conflict with

their mothers. We saw them display what (Santrock 1992)

and (Shaffer 2002) argue is an adolescent’s heightened

awareness of others and an ability to detect contextual or

situational variability. The following interpretation is

germane.

Firstly, they considered that they might be victimized if

they asked questions. Participants were concerned that

asking questions might be interpreted as disrespectful by

adults. And in African society, respect, expressed through

unquestioning obedience, is a very important value taught

to children (Jewkes et al. 2005; Mekoa 2003). The ‘respect’

expected of them functioned as psychological control to

constrain verbal expression of feelings, and induced feel-

ings of guilt on their side. However, respect did not stop

them from blaming their mothers for hiding the truth and

holding ulterior motives. The self-restraint displayed here,

308 J Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303–310

123

we argue, could result in suppressed anxiety and distress,

and, with no intervention, could contribute to serious

depression. Secondly, after evaluating the volatility of the

environment, some participants said they decided not to tell

at home when they discovered the truth. They used infor-

mation to create a sense of autonomy for themselves and

found ways to join their fathers.

Parents employed different strategies in dealing with the

question; most were not satisfactory to the children as dis-

closure was rarely an outcome. The question was dismissed

by parents as unimportant, invalidating the children’s

interest. And in response to not being told the truth, or to

inappropriate discovery of the truth, participants expressed

feelings of loneliness and sadness, of being unwanted,

unloved, uncared for, worthless, angry, confused and

rejected. These feelings were also associated with an

attempted suicide by the male participant who was involved

in an incestuous relationship, an indication that inappropri-

ate disclosure can cause a seriously distressing situation,

especially in a case involving social taboos and offensive-

ness around within clan sex (Guma and Henda 2004;

Niehaus 2002). How children and families handle undis-

closed father identity is very important in order to prevent

negative psychological impact. Feelings of isolation from a

clique that knows; being fearful and anxious; experiencing

rejection when one has finally asked; and lack of confidence

in people that one is emotionally connected to, such as

mothers, were all described in depth by participants and

these are ingredients that in the long term, these feelings

might lead to depression and suicidal behavior.

Limitations

This paper is based on a limited number of interviews from

a particular community and it is possible that more inter-

views could have reflected other issues surrounding

undisclosed paternity. One interview was conducted with

each participant, and these did not contain full life histo-

ries, which might have given more contexts to issues sur-

rounding undisclosed paternity and its implications. It is

critical that parents’ voices are also heard if we are to fully

understand the challenges faced by the youth. These find-

ings do not imply that paternal identity and disclosure are

always distressing experiences for youth, as it is possible

that youth who had smoothly resolved this did not volun-

teer for the study.

Conclusion

In this paper we have identified the ‘‘need to know one’s

father’’ as important in youth, but it is undoubtedly linked

to many other negative experiences in this setting. This

paper shows that the value placed by the youth on paternal

identity became especially important in the face of adver-

sity, conflicts in the maternal home, and a desire to improve

(often very difficult) financial circumstances. The implicit

universalizing and naturalistic assumption that the maternal

family satisfactorily provides a home for all ignores the

effect of poverty on some households in South Africa.

A real fear of asking mothers about fathers’ identity in a

bid to avoid conflict was notable here, suggesting that

families needed support to help them develop strategies to

dialogue the issue of paternal identity. It is highly possible

that embarrassments, distress, incest and some suicide

attempts could be prevented by early disclosure.

Acknowledgments This study was supported by funding received
from the Ford Foundation through the Africa Regional Sexuality

Resources Centre, the Faculty of Humanities and the Carnegie Fel-

lowship Awards received from the University of Witwatersrand. We

thank all the participants who volunteered their time on the project

and colleagues who provided feedback throughout the writing pro-

cess, in particular Yandisa Sikweyiya and Lindiwe Farlane for their

insightful comments on earlier drafts.

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OnlineActivity

Introduction:

Pick a particular cultural event that you’re interested in (quinceanera party for Mexicans, specific culture’s wedding, male initiation rituals) Write an introductory paragraph based on the research you find on the topic.

Body: (3 Paragraphs)

for the next three paragraphs find something from each one of the three readings that you can connect to cultural event you chose. Reference or quote what you find from each reading that connects to the cultural event in your three paragraphs. The three paragraphs should be about: 1- Language 2- Kinship 3- Gender.

Your 3 online sources HAVE TO BE VIDEOS. Provide the link for the video in the references sheet.

Conclusion

References:

Reference 3 online videos you used for the your essay.

Essay must be 5 paragraphs long and must follow the prompts above.

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