Inventory sales transaction shown in the inventory account should be credited and cost of goods sold is debited. Aso records account receivable debits and sales credit transaction when get sales amount.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
Logan Stevens
English Composition II
December 20, 2019
Where’s the Beef?: Ethics and the Beef Industry
Americans love their beef. Despite the high rate of its consumption, in recent years
people in the United States have grown increasingly concerned about where their food comes
from, how it is produced, and what environmental and health impacts result from its production.
These concerns can be distilled into two ethical questions: is the treatment of cattle humane and
is there a negative environmental impact of beef production? For many, the current methods of
industrial beef production and consumption do not meet personal ethical or environmental
standards. Therefore, for ethical and environmental reasons, people should limit their beef
consumption.
The first ethical question to consider is the humane treatment of domesticated cattle. It
has been demonstrated in multiple scientific studies that animals feel physical pain as well as
emotional states such as fear (Grandin & Smith, 2004, para. 2). In Concentrated Animal Feeding
Operations (CAFOs), better known as “factory farms” due to their industrialized attitude toward
cattle production, cattle are often confined to unnaturally small areas; fed a fattening, grain-based
diet; and given a constant stream of antibiotics to help combat disease and infection. In his essay,
“An Animal’s Place,” Michael Pollan (2002) states that beef cattle often live “standing ankle
Comment [SL1]: Hi Logan! This is a great title.
Comment [SL2]: It will help strengthen your opening
sentence to include some sort of facts or statistics about
beef consumption in America.
Comment [SL3]: Throughout your essay, you talk about
more than just limiting the consumption of beef. How could
you strengthen your Thesis Statement to connect all of
those points?
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
deep in their own waste eating a diet that makes them sick” (para. 40). Pollan describes
Americans’ discomfort with this aspect of meat production and notes that they are removed from
and uncomfortable with the physical and psychological aspects of killing animals for food. He
simplifies the actions chosen by many Americans: “we either look away—or stop eating
animals” (para. 32). This decision to look away has enabled companies to treat and slaughter
their animals in ways that cause true suffering for the animals. If Americans want to continue to
eat beef, alternative, ethical methods of cattle production must be considered.
The emphasis on a grain-based diet, and therefore a reliance on mono-cropping, also
contributes to the inefficient use of available land. The vast majority of grain production (75-
90% depending on whether corn or soy) goes to feeding animals rather than humans, and cattle
alone account for a significant share. As a result, a majority of land available for agriculture also
goes to producing livestock, whether actually housing the animals or growing grain to feed them
(Lappé, 2010, p. 22). This inefficiency means that a disproportionate amount of agricultural,
food, and monetary resources are poured into a type of cattle production which has been
demonstrated to be inhumane and to have negative environmental consequences.
In addition to the inhumane treatment of animals, CAFOs also raise ethical questions in
terms of the environmental impacts of industrial agriculture. Because cattle raised on factory
farms are primarily “grain-fed,” meaning that their diet largely consists of corn and/or soy rather
than grass or other forage, huge amounts of grain are required to provide the necessary feed. This
grain comes primarily from “monocropping,” an agricultural practice that involves planting the
same crop year after year in the same field. Although rotating crops to different fields each
season helps to retain the natural balance of nutrients in the soil, mono-cropping is considered to
be more efficient on an industrial scale, providing larger yields of grain even though it also
Comment [SL4]: Great use of sources! The transitions here
could be a bit smoother and the connection between these
ideas could be a bit more explicit.
Comment [SL5]: This is a great topic sentence.
Comment [SL6]: In terms of cohesion, you may want to
look into how your paragraphs flow from one to the other.
The content of your essay is great, but how could you
structure it differently to make it even better?
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
requires the use of more chemical fertilizers to provide adequate nutrients for the plants. These
chemicals can leach into the groundwater, polluting both the surrounding land and the water
supply.
Other environmental issues include the amount of manure produced by factory farmed
cattle. Traditionally, cattle graze a large area and distribute their waste accordingly. In contained
situations such as CAFOs, however, animal waste builds up in a relatively small area and the
runoff from rainstorms can potentially contaminate the groundwater (Sager, 2008, para. 7).
Furthermore, because closely contained animals are more prone to disease, factory-farmed cattle
are routinely treated with antibiotics, which can also leach into the local ground and water,
potentially affecting humans. According to Brian Palmer (2010), “Based on some estimates, we
spend more than $4 billion annually trying to clean up CAFO manure runoff. In addition, the
long-term, low-dose antibiotics CAFOs give livestock can lead to antibiotic-resistant bacteria,
further undermining our dwindling supply of useful medicines” (para. 12). The negative impacts
of antibiotic runoff, manure contamination, fossil fuel use, and mono-cropping indicate that
sourcing beef from CAFOs is neither an ethically responsible nor an environmentally sustainable
decision.
An alternative to the grain-fed cattle raised in CAFOs is cattle which are allowed to range
and forage for grass and other greenery as their primary form of nourishment. This “grass-fed”
beef is, almost by definition, more humane than grain-fed beef because the animals are allowed
to move freely and eat a more natural diet. There is also some evidence that grass-fed beef is
healthier than grain-fed beef for the humans who consume it: it is higher in cancer fighting,
vitamin-A producing beta-carotene; it is much lower in fat, including having half the saturated
Comment [SL7]: This is a great paragraph, but it could be
stronger with the use of sources supporting and reinforcing
these ideas.
Comment [SL8]: This is a good use of a signal phrase, but it
would also be helpful to indicate what position Brian Palmer
holds so that the audience can understand why his input is
relevant. Is he a scientist? A farmer? A reporter?
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
fat as grain-fed beef; and it contains many more omega-3 fatty acids, conjugated linoleic acid
(CLA), which prevents cancer growth, and vitamin E, which prevents cancer as well as heart
disease (Ruechel, 2006, p. 235). Due to the benefits of a grass-based diet, as well as the benefits
of being raised in pastures rather than feedlots, grass-fed cattle themselves tend to be healthier.
Taken altogether, grass-fed cattle production is better physically for both the cows and humans.
It is important to note that grass-fed does not inherently mean organic, which is a
separate, legal category with its own requirements. It is possible to find grain-fed beef from
cattle raised or slaughtered in inhumane conditions that is labeled “organic” because the cattle
were fed organic grain, whereas grass-fed beef may come from cattle that have been raised on
land that does not meet the requirements for organic labeling (Sager, 2008, paras.10-15).
However, in a guide to raising grass-fed cattle, Julius Ruechel (2006), notes that “Raising [cattle]
in a pasture reduces or even eliminates the use of toxic pharmaceutical pesticides to control
parasites and all but eliminates residues of high doses of antibiotics used on cattle in feedlot
conditions” (p. 236). Even though it may not always be organic, choosing grass-fed beef reduces
or eliminates many of the environmental and ethical concerns raised by factory farming.
Grass-fed beef also comes with some benefits to the environment. As noted earlier, most
grain-fed beef relies on environmentally damaging mono-cropping. This problem is not an issue
with grass-fed beef, which relies primarily on forage and does not require the same crop to be
planted year after year. Further, if the grass-fed beef that one eats comes from local farms and
ranches, it lessens the environmental impact, whereas the long-distance shipping required by
factory farming practices consumes fossil fuels, which contribute to global warming. Lappé
(2010) explains the massive effects that industrial food production has on the environment,
noting that throughout the life cycle of production, processing, distribution, consumption, and
Comment [SL9]: I wasn’t sure how the information in this
paragraph was relevant, but you do a good job of
demonstrating it here. You could make these links a bit
clearer in the earlier parts of this paragraph.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
waste, our food chain may be responsible for as much as a third of the factors causing global
climate change (p. 11). However, as Pollan (2002) argues by the end of his essay, farms which
focus on traditional agricultural practices are both more humane and more environmentally
friendly than CAFOs. Ultimately, food decisions should be made with an eye to sustainability
and humane treatment, ethical stances that are both supported by local farms focused on
sustainable diversity.
Despite grass-fed beef scoring better on an environmental impact level than grain-fed
beef, it is still not perfect, a fact that highlights the problems of eating beef at all if one is
concerned with environmental ethics. Most notably, to assuage Americans’ rapacious appetites
for beef, landowners in South America often clear cut rainforest in order to create grazing land.
“The realities of the global market are a great temptation to many: Where land is cheap and the
demand for grass-fed cattle is on the rise, the local economy may respond by cutting down a
forest to create pasture or by planting grass where millet or rice has been grown” (Sager, 2008,
para. 21). This practice has negative environmental impacts on the local landscape and the planet
as a whole, since losing vast swathes of rainforest increases the amount of carbon dioxide in our
atmosphere, contributing to ozone depletion. In their article for Science magazine, scholars
Molly Brown and Christopher Funk (2008) examine how climate change will affect food
security and find that people in the developing world are at particular risk for a lack of food due
to climate change. Mono-cropping and mono-grazing practices, designed to snag American
dollars in the short term and not to sustain the local population in the long term, will only
exacerbate these effects (p. 580–81). Furthermore, the rise in the market for grass-fed beef has
meant that much grass-fed beef is shipped to the U.S. from South America and Australia. Even if
these animals are raised in a humane and sustainable manner, the long distances they travel to
Comment [SL10]: This is a very good introduction to the
counter-arguments.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
reach American bellies has significant, negative environmental impact, again due to the use of
fossil fuels (Sager, 2008, para. 21). This reinforces the importance of buying beef which has
been locally produced, reducing the impact of long-distance shipping and potential mono-grazing
in other countries.
No matter how ethically sourced, one can still identify some serious ethical problems
with the raising and slaughter of beef, and those ethical quandaries are passed on to consumers.
While grass-fed beef is clearly an ethical improvement over grain-fed beef in terms of humane
treatment and potentially in terms of environmental impact, “No matter how you slice it, eating
beef will never be the greenest thing you do in a day. Scientists at Japan’s National Institute of
Livestock and Grassland Science estimate that producing 1 kilogram of beef emits more
greenhouse gas than driving 155 miles” (Palmer, 2010, para. 2). A kilogram of beef is about the
equivalent of two generously sized rib-eye steaks. Multiply this by the amount of beef consumed
by Americans in a year and the impact of these greenhouse gasses cannot be ignored. However,
as compelling as this argument is, it is not reasonable to expect that Americans will stop eating
beef altogether. In the short term, Americans need to eat humanely raised, locally sourced, grass-
fed beef, which will ultimately lessen the ethical and environmental consequences.
If consumers are truly concerned about the ethical treatment of animals and the
environmental impact of agricultural production, then the logical action is to stop eating meat
altogether. If Americans are not willing to do this, then the next best action is to focus on
humanely raised, locally sourced, grass-fed beef, while acknowledging that this may affect our
beef consumption at many levels. Pollan (2002) concludes his essay by acknowledging that more
humane treatment of animals would likely cause higher prices and lower consumption. However,
he states, “maybe when we did eat animals, we’d eat them with the consciousness, ceremony and
Comment [SL11]: Excellent. I like that you have two
paragraphs addressing the counter-arguments, one focused
on environment and one focused on ethics. This parallels
your discussion nicely.
Comment [SL12]: How could you change the wording to
make it less dismissive of the counter-arguments?
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
respect they deserve” (para. 82). This emphasis on the respect for and well-being of the animals
cultivated for food benefits both the animals and the consumer, acknowledging the desire to be
true omnivores while satisfying our need for ethical clarity.
Comment [SL13]: Very good concluding statement!
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
References
Brown, M., & Funk, C. (2008). Food security under climate change. Science, 319
(5863), 580-581. doi: 10.1126/science.1154102
Cook, C. (2004). Diet for a dead planet: How the food industry is killing us. New York,
NY: New Press.
Davis, C., & Lin, B.H. (2005). Factors affecting U.S. beef consumption. Retrieved from
https://www.ers.usda.gov/publications/pub-details/?pubid=37389.
Grandin, T. & Smith. G. (2004). Animal welfare and humane slaughter. Grandin.com.
Retrieved from http://www.grandin.com/references/humane.slaughter.html
Lappé, A. (2010). Diet for a hot planet: The climate crisis at the end of your fork. New
York, NY: Bloomsbury.
Palmer, B. (2010, December 21). Pass on grass: Is grass-fed beef better for the
environment? Slate. Retrieved from
http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/the_green_lantern/2010/12/pa
ss_ on_grass.htm
Pollan, M. (2002, November 10). An animal’s place. The New York Times. Retrieved
from http://www.nytimes.com/2002/11/10/magazine/an-animal-s-place.html
Ruechel, J. (2006). Grass-fed Cattle: How to produce and market natural beef. North
Adams, MA. Storey Publishing.
Sager, G. (2008). Where’s your beef from?: Grass-fed Beef: Is it green, humane and
healthful? Natural Life Magazine. Retrieved from
http://www.naturallifemagazine.com/0812/grass-fed_beef_green_humane_healthful.htm
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
Reflection Questions:
1. Provide one example of a place where you have used rhetorical appeals or source
material to support your argument. How does this enhance your essay? (2-3 sentences)
One place I was able to use source material throughout my essay, but I think the part where I
included the statistic about how producing 1 kilogram of beef emits more greenhouse gas
than driving 155 miles. This helps enhance my essay because it puts the information into
perspective for the reader in terms of how much the production of meat can affect our
environment.
2. Touchstone 4 is a revision of this draft. What kind of feedback would be helpful for you
as you revise? Are there parts of your draft that you’re uncertain of? (3-4 sentences)
I think a fresh set of eyes will certainly be beneficial to ensure I come up with the best draft
possible. Sometimes, I can “get in my own head” about my writing and am not able to see
the big picture as easily. An objective critique of the essay is going to be much appreciated
and will help me immensely.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
Research Essay Draft Rubric and Feedback
Rubric
Category
Feedback Score
(acceptable, needs
improvement etc.)
Argument
Development
and Support
Your thesis statement takes a specific position
on one side of a debatable issue. Try to focus it a
bit more by adding a bit more detail to it. The
details you provide are primarily relevant and
support your main idea. You consistently use
logical reasoning and source material to support
your argument effectively throughout your essay.
34/40
Research
You reference a number of credible, outside
sources effectively, using quotation, paraphrase,
and summary. You primarily incorporate these
sources smoothly into your discussion. You could
fine-tune some of your signal-phrasing in your
next draft. There is a good balance between
original writing and outside sources.
25/30
Organization You have a great start on the organization of
your paper. You have a thesis, an adequate
number of paragraphs with topic sentences, and
you address counterarguments. You also have
an effective concluding paragraph. Look a bit
more closely at the organization of your
paragraphs (see notes in body of essay) to
enhance this even more.
13/15
Style
You do a great job with your word choices and
sentence structures.
4/5
Conventions There are few – if any – negligible errors in
grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization,
formatting, and usage.
5/5
Reflection You demonstrate thoughtful reflections, and
consistently include insights, observations, and
examples in your responses.
5/5
Overall Score and Feedback: 86/100
Draft an Argumentative Research Essay
ASSIGNMENT: Using your outline and annotated bibliography from Touchstones 1.2 and 2.2, draft a 6-8 page argumentative research essay on your chosen topic.
In order to foster learning and growth, all essays you submit must be newly written specifically for this course. Any recycled work will be sent back with a 0, and you will be given one attempt to redo the Touchstone.
As this assignment builds on Touchstone 2.2: Create an Annotated Bibliography, that Touchstone, as well as Touchstone 3.1, must be graded before you can submit your research essay draft.
5
TigistShiferaw
English Composition II
January,13/2022
Hayes, K., Blashki, G., Wiseman, J., Burke, S., & Reifels, L. (2018). Climate change and mental health: Risks, impacts and priority actions. International journal of mental health systems, 12(1), 1-12.
The author asserts that the projected and the recent threats posed by climate change negatively impact mental health. According to the authors, the effects of climate change are potentially irreversible and unequivocal. Currently, climate change causes approximately 250 000 deaths annually, and the number of deaths is expected to increase by 2030. The main effect of climate change on health includes increases in vector-borne illness, respiratory illness, and increased mortality rate caused by extreme weather conditions. The article will be helpful in this research as it discusses mental problems. Mental illnesses and disorders and the emotional resilience, psychosocial wellbeing, and mental illness caused by climate change. Mental wellbeing encompasses both the psychological and social conditions that shape human welfare. More specifically, the article explores recommendations for enhancing information and actions on climate change and mental well-being.
Ragavan, M. I., Marcil, L. E., & Garg, A. (2020). Climate change as a social determinant of health. Pediatrics, 145(5).
The authors assert that climate change is a significant threat to public health. The leading causes of climate change are the release of greenhouse gases from human activities causing higher global average temperatures and changes in the human and environmental systems. Climate change worsens health, causes increased healthcare costs, and disproportionately affects the vulnerable communities worsening the social determinants of health. The article will be helpful to support my argument as it discusses the effects of climate change on children. These vulnerable communities have fewer available resources for adapting to the changing climate.
Mocuta, D. N. (2017). Influence of the climate changes on the human life quality, in rural areas. Revista de Chimie, 68(6), 1392-1396.
The author posits that the current state of global warming has created significant worries amongst specialists and the entire population concerning the planet’s future. Climate changes pose significant material damages in different domains of social life due to the implicit change of living conditions, the constant and slow rising of the sea level, increased frequency of the climatic extremes, and extinction of various species poses a significant influence on animal and human health. The article will be helpful in the introductory part of my research as it discusses how climate change has endangered the foundations of human health.
Urrutia-Pereira, M., Guidos-Fogelbach, G., & Solé, D. (2021). Climate changes, air pollution and allergic diseases in childhood and adolescence. Jornal de pediatria.
The authors assert that the social, economic, and health impact of climate change is a significant concern of humankind as the level of various air pollutants surpass those conventional but the world health organization. About 90% of the world’s population breathes polluted air. This has increased the prevalence of various diseases recognized to the interaction between the genetic possible and the surrounding environment. The author discusses the close association between climate change and air pollution. Human activities, burning, and reliance on fossil fuels have increased anthropogenic and natural greenhouse gas emissions. Climate change has led to drought and heat waves, which enable forest fires, aggravate the intensity of floods and storms, affect the food quality, and increase the likelihood of one getting infectious diseases. The article is helpful for the counterargument part as it evaluates the relationship between individual acquaintance to climate change and pollution in the development and deteriorating of allergic illnesses in children and adolescents.
Demain, J. G. (2018). Climate change and the impact on respiratory and allergic disease: 2018. Current allergy and asthma reports, 18(4), 1-5.
The author reviews the respiratory diseases linked to outdoor and indoor exposures and assesses the impact of projected and known climatic changes. According to the authors, allergic respiratory diseases such as asthma are closely associated with the significant interaction between the immunologic and environmental factors. Further, the authors postulate that climate change has become a significant threat to humans, and thus, tackling climate change is one of the most significant health opportunities in the twenty-first century. The article is essential my research as it provides essential information on some of the direct effects of climatic change includes severe weather, heat waves, flooding, and drought. It further discusses indirect or secondary effects such as the change in the ecosystem and their impact on health. The authors allege that the ecosystem changes significantly impact respiratory and allergic diseases.
Reflection
1. Accurately recording bibliographic information is essential and saves you time, as you can transfer this information to the References page of your drafted essay. Each source entry should include a brief summary of the source as well as 3-4 sentences describing how you intend to use that source to build or support your argument. Discuss how your annotated bibliography meets these criteria. (2-3 sentences)
All my annotated bibliography comprises a summary of the article and how it will of benefit to my research paper. Most importantly, the annotated provides information about each source used and a summary of the essential details about a source.
2. Which strategies were most helpful for you when searching for credible sources? (2-3 sentences)
The main consideration that I considered when looking for a credible sources includes the year of publication to assess the reverence of the information provided. I also assessed the sources of the information provided as well as the correctness and truthfulness of the information.
3. What difficulties did you face while searching for credible sources? How did you overcome these difficulties? (2-3 sentences)
I had challenges determining the reliability of the information provided and also finding out the novel source of the statistic is being reported. Also some of the sources that I found provided little information about the topic. In order to overcome these difficulties I became so precise on my topic while searching for information.
4
TIGISTSHIFERAW
ENGLISH COMPOSITION II
01/09/2022
Research question: How climate changes influence the environmental and social determinants of health?
Thesis Statement : Extreme weather events such as floods, storms, and heat waves caused by climate change affects the environmental and social determinants of health leading to the water, food- and vector-borne illnesses, disrupted food systems and mental health issues. Therefore climate change is a significant health threat facing humanity today.
Detailed outline
I. Working thesis in the introduction: Extreme weather events such as storms, increased heat waves, and floods caused by climate change affects the social and environmental determinants of health leading to the water, food- and vector-borne illnesses, disrupted food systems and mental health problems. Therefore climate change is a significant health threat facing humanity today.
Hook with description on the extreme weather conditions.
Introduce two issues on the societal and ecological determinants of health
Source: World health Organization, 2021
II. Social determinant of health.
A. Climate change is undermines good health, such as livelihoods,
B. Widened health Inequality
C. Limited accessibility to health care’s other social support structures due to increased healthcare cost
Source 1: Hayes et al., (2018)
III. Environmental determinant of health
A. Unsafe drinking water
Insufficient food and secure shelter
C. Water and air pollution
IV. Measures to mitigate climate change
A. Reducing emission of greenhouse gases
Use of better transport, and renewable sources of energy
Reducing air pollution
B. Adapting to life in a changing climate – encompasses modifying to projected future climate.
C. Promoting technology and innovation transfer for sustainable energy developments
V. Introducing standards for consumer appliances and equipment.
A. Retrofitting buildings
B. Renewable energy.
C. Introducing feed-in tariffs, market-based appliances and fiscal instruments to speed up investments in clean energy
Source 1: Hayes et al., (2018).
V. Counter Argument
A. Carbon dioxide is worldwide pollutant due to increased human activities.
B. Developing countries contribute the great share of pollution.
Source 2: Jessel, et al., (2019)
Conclusion
A. Climate change has a direct damage cost to an individual health
B. Reducing release of greenhouse gases through better transport, food and renewable energy sources leads to improved health.
Reflection
1.
The most challenging part for me was selecting the research topic. Selecting a topic involves performing a preliminary search for sources to assess whether there will be enough information and if the existing sources meet the research requirements.
2.
The thesis statement provides an answer to the research question and forms the central purpose of the research. The topic is reasonable, with a clear argument on why climate change is a significant threat to humanity and a counterargument.
3.
The detailed outline helps organize and construct the ideas thoughtfully and sequentially. The outline explains both the social and environmental health determinants affected by climatic change. This is followed by measures that help mitigate climate change to answer the research question. Ultimately, there is a counterargument that opposes the argument on the causes of climate change and a conclusion to summarize the research.
4.
Though I am confident with the choice of the research topic, I would like to have more clarification on whether my the outline provides a logical flow of ideas.
References
Hayes, K., Blashki, G., Wiseman, J., Burke, S., & Reifels, L. (2018). Climate change and mental health: Risks, impacts and priority actions. International journal of mental health systems, 12(1), 1-12.
Jessel, S., Sawyer, S., & Hernández, D. (2019). Energy, poverty, and health in climate change: a comprehensive review of an emerging literature. Frontiers in public health, 7, 357.
World Health Organization. (2021). Health and climate change: country profile 2021: Dominican Republic (No. WHO/HEP/ECH/CCH/21.01. 02). World Health Organization.
2
Tigist
Shiferaw Comment by Patricia Hennington: Hi
Tigist,
I am Patricia, your grader for this touchstone today.
English composition ll
January 30,2021
Uniform Policy over School Dress codes
Implementation of school dress codes and uniform policies is usually due to practical and social reasons. A dress code is an outline that concentrates more on what a student cannot wear to school making the options not limited to one or two. Most people prefer school dress codes because it gives the student a flexible guideline on what should be won to school hence, they have a variety, brings out the aspect of conformity and makes the school a smart community with smartly and decently dressed students and teachers. Moreover, there are other people who prefer uniforms as not only does it contribute to smartness and uniformity but also, they are easier for the administration to enforce into the system and enhance proper behavior and performance. Both aspects of uniforms and dress codes focus on almost the same goals and objectives but which one would fit in the school’s setting more? The advantages will be discussed below. Comment by Patricia Hennington: Nice opening paragraph!
Have you briefly introduced the author and publication context (year, journal, etc.) of Article 1 and Article 2?
Through enhancing uniformity, uniform play a vital role in equalizing the social status. People come from different backgrounds and different standards of living. With just normal dress codes, the policy may not completely eliminate some of the small things that completely hide the major differences. However, with uniforms, everyone becomes equal such that if it is in terms of design, everyone is having the same design and type among other factors. Everyone becomes the same despite being the child to a minister or the child to a mere grocery seller. According to Edwards & Marshall, (2020), the policy of dress codes and uniformity were first established with the aim of eliminating the differences in appearance among students. Therefore, the uniform policy meets this objective more than normal dress codes. However, some differences can be noted when students have further enhancements for example when a student adds some jewelry on top of the uniform demanded by the school policy and that is where the dress code comes in as such things will be eliminated making both policies important and applicable at once. Comment by Patricia Hennington: Unnecessary. Comment by Patricia Hennington: Have you included a summary of the stance presented Article1 and Article 2?
Another aspect is on academic performance. According to Brobeck, (2018), proponents in academic literature believe that uniforms contribute to a community which play a role in eliminating negative behaviors hence students have space and time to focus on their academic work. On a practical view, just following up on a particular dress code gives the student a variety of options unlike with uniforms where the student gets by with a minimum amount of clothing. That is, they have their school uniform, then clothes they can hang around home with and their Sunday best. This way, they can even feel the difference while in the different environments and while in uniform, they are aware they are in school and what is required of the environment they are in. Furthermore, with uniformity, students will not be in a competitive mode of buying trendy clothes or thinking about how to kill the show the next day with a certain outfit but instead they will be engaged in their studies. Comment by Patricia Hennington: Where is the claim that address both sides of the issue, including specific points raised in the articles?
Also, school uniformity policies bring about safety to the schools through various ways. According to Mahlangu, (2017), both school uniformity and dress codes should contribute to reduction of school violence, preventions of bad behaviors and promotion of discipline and improving school safety. With uniforms, it is easy to identify any intruders in the school compounds hence the students are safe. Moreover, it gives the school identity and some form of pride such that when a student misbehaves outside the premises of the school it is easier to instill discipline through the school.
However, uniforms at some point violate the rights of students. According to Mahlangu, (2017), student’s rights include issues related to their freedoms in terms of culture, politics and economy. With normal dressing codes, students are able to purchase whatever they can afford unlike for uniforms they have to strain if the uniforms are expensive and beyond their economic capacities. Moreover, with uniforms, certain things are excluded or included that intrudes in an individual’s culture. For example, saying that everyone should shave or no one should cover their hair to enhance uniformity is against some cultures. Comment by Patricia Hennington: Did you present a clear workable solution that could be viewed as a “middle ground” between the two sides?
Reference
Brobeck, E. (2018). School uniform requirements: Effects on student academic performance.
Edwards, T. K., & Marshall, C. (2020). Undressing policy: a critical analysis of North Carolina (USA) public school dress codes. Gender and Education, 32(6), 732-750.
Mahlangu, V. P. (2017). Implementation of School Uniform Policy and the Violation of Students’ Human Rights in Schools. Bulgarian Comparative Education Society.
Article 1: “School Dress Codes and Uniform Policies”
Article 2: “Dressing Diversity: Politics of Difference and the Case of School Uniforms”
Reflection Questions
Is the Rogerian model of argument a good way to help understand the topic more? How good is it?
The Rogerian model of argument is the best way to bring out the topic as it improves an individual’s views concerning both perspectives of the topic. That way, it brings a better understanding of why some people prefer school uniform policies over school dress codes. With that, it is easy to come up with solutions that will satisfy each side of the argument.
Do you think using the Rogerian approach in an individual argumentative essay is wise?
I think using the Rogerian model of argument is the best way to go to avoid been biased on one side. However, some solutions work well when both sides are combined while others are stronger on their own. Therefore, as much as the Rogerian way of arguing is outstanding, one may be required to choose the stronger side in their essay to emerge more argumentative.
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EC 2 – Touchstone 3.1 Rubric and Feedback |
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Rubric Category |
Feedback – Argument |
Score (acceptable, needs improvement etc.) |
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Summary of Positions |
Does not introduce both authors and/or does not provide a summary of each position presented in the articles. |
0/10 |
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Thesis/Claim |
No clear thesis has been presented. |
0/20 |
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Organization |
Includes all the required components of a Rogerian argument paper, including an introduction with source summaries and a claim, body paragraphs with topic sentences, and a conclusion with a concluding statement |
4/5 |
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Style |
Demonstrates effective word choices, primarily avoids redundancy and imprecise language, and uses a variety of sentence structures. |
4/5 |
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Conventions |
There are only a few, if any, negligible errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and usage. |
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Reflection |
Demonstrates thoughtful reflection; includes multiple insights, observations, and/or examples, following response length guidelines. |
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Overall Score and Feedback: 16 /50 Tigist, The essay does not address the following articles for this assignment: Article 1: “School Dress Codes and Uniform Policies” Article 2: “Dressing Diversity: Politics of Difference and the Case of School Uniforms” Patricia |
1
TIGISTSHIFERAW
COMPOSITION II
FEBRURAY,10,2022
Climate change is among the greatest health threat facing humanity as well as health professional worldwide are already dealing with the health harms which are as a result of the unfolding issues. Climate change is already affecting health in a number of ways which may include death and sicknesses from the extreme weather events for instance heat waves, storms as well as floods, the disruption of food systems, maximizes in zoo noses and food, water as well as vector borne illnesses as well as mental health conditions. In addition climate change tends to undermine majority of the social determinants for good health such as livelihoods, equality as well as access to healthcare and social support structures. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Thanks for the draft. I hope you find my comments helpful. As you start consider adding evidence to back up what climate is doing to the world.
References
and evidence are the key. Comment by Eric R Wellington: comma Comment by Eric R Wellington: a fine thesis.
The climate based health risks are inappropriately felt by majority of the vulnerable as well as disadvantaged which may include women, kids, ethnic minorities, poor communities, migrants as well as displace individuals, older people as well as those who have underlying health challenges. Extreme weather events for instance floods, storms and heat waves which are as a result of climate change impacts the environmental as well as social determinants of health which lead to water, food as well as vector borne sicknesses, disrupted food systems as well as mental health problems. Thus climate change is a major health threat facing humanity today. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Why is this the case. Have evidence to illustrate this clearly. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Again you need evidence to back this up. Comment by Eric R Wellington: comma
Social Determinant of Health Comment by Eric R Wellington: Try to avoid headings, as your transitions and writing should clearly indicate where you are in the paper.
Since climate change is now identified as a public health issue, it is now hard to separate it from the list of determinants which worsen the social determinants of health. These are the social events in which people are born, grow, live, work as well as play, highly impact people’s health as well as drive health disparities. In regard to the social determinants of health, climate change can impact people’s good health such as livelihood. The maximized frequency as well as intensity of extreme weather events such as hurricanes, wildfires and droughts threatens the lives in the front line communities, thus riving persons from their homes and destroying their source of food as well as livelihoods (Ragavan, Marcil, & Garg, 2020). This maximizes the rate of hunger and poverty in this place. Majority of the persons that live in poverty depend on agriculture as well as natural resources to survive. For these people, the impacts of climate change which include shifting weather, limited water resources and maximized competition for resources tend to be a matter of life and death. Climate change has changed their lives into an unreliable game of guessing. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Who has identified this? You need support and evidence. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Not sure how social events are connect with climate change? Comment by Eric R Wellington: Good to have evidence to back thing ups, but this is your first citations. This does not provide specific data on the subject. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Don’t we all rely on this to survive? Comment by Eric R Wellington: It is not clear why some are treated did differently in terms of climate change.
Climate change maximizes the existing health and social inequities. Climate change tends to worsen the environmental conditions which include ozone pollution related to chronic sicknesses as well as injury and leads to social and economic dislocations which mostly affect the disadvantaged communities. The effects of climate change on health are mainly based on individual as well as community vulnerability as well as resilience. The main components of climate vulnerability are the pre-existing health status as well as living conditions. In the United States, these aspects are based on the forces that cannot be controlled by any person (Mocuta, 2017). They tend to differ in regard to place, race as well as income due to factors which may include inequities in the distribution of money and power, historical disinvestment in a number of communities, discriminatory activities as well as policies with time, high pollution burdens as well as inappropriate access to resources of health. Due to this the low income communities and people of color are inappropriately impacted by the health effects of climate change. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Where is the evidence and data to support this. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Who is defining this.? Comment by Eric R Wellington: Again you need much more specific data on how climate changes effects different people differently.
Climate change may as well cause limited access to health care to some people. Extreme weather events can disrupt infrastructure which may include utilities, transportation as well as communication systems, critical to maintaining access to emergency services as well as health care. Hospital supply chain can as well be disrupted thus resulting to shortage of essential pharmaceutical as well as medical appliances. Additionally people’s physical health and changes in the surrounding environment can impact their mental health. Extreme weather events may impact mental health mainly in cases of loss of life as well as home, images of extreme weather events in the media, as well as disruption of communication lines as well as social support networks which people with mental sickness require in order to be healthy (Hayes, et al., 2018). Comment by Eric R Wellington: This certainly makes sense. As weather effects transportation when it is severe. I would then look to see the increase of events that can cause this. How much of a increase over time . How many more of these events have happened in the last 10 years for example. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Very true. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Remove heading. Comment by Eric R Wellington: How much of an increase is there!
Environmental Determinant
of Health
Climate change tends to highly impact the environmental determinants of health. These are external agents which may include biological, chemical, physical, social as well as culture which be causally linked to a change in health status. These can be termed as environmental influences which tend to be involuntary. First, just like any other aspect on earth, the lakes, rivers, streams, oceans and the water cycle are highly impacted by climate change thus leading to unsafe drinking water. As the air gets warmed up, it causes warmer waters, heavier rainfalls in some areas and droughts in others thus resulting to harmful cycle. Comment by Eric R Wellington: You need to provide support and data for all of this.
Climate change leads to heavy intense downpours, droughts as well rising water temperatures. This tends to interfere with the quality of drinking as well as recreational water. Bacterial and viruses thrive in this condition and when they are consumed by people tend to lead to various sicknesses. Contamination of drinking water by bacteria, viruses and protozoa can lead to outbreak of sicknesses for instance diarrheal sicknesses legionella, campylobacter as well as cholera. Some parts of the world experience differing patterns of flooding as well as drought. Drought can minimize the earth’s capacity to absorb the water. When precipitation takes place as more intense storms or as hurricanes which can lead to flooding as well as later the quality of water. Comment by Eric R Wellington: There is no evidence provided to support this. When and where has this happened, what data is there to support for these statements.
In regard to hunger ad undernourished persons, climate change tends to be a major threat. Extreme weather based disasters have minimized the production of major crops and lead to maximized cost of food as well as reduction in income. The disasters have inappropriately impacted the low income persons as well as their access to food which is the reason why they majored on the relationship between climate change and food security. More than 70% of the globe’s population gets majority of the daily nutrients from plants and climate change is already leading to droughts as well as flooding which can alter with the staple food crops. If the extra carbon dioxide in the air makes crops less healthy, it tends to be hard to feed the globe’s growing population. Climate change puts at risk the food supplies of individual in developing and the developed countries. Floods, droughts, more intense hurricanes, heat waves as well as wildfire can reduce the crop yields, destroy animals and disrupt the transportation of food. The increase in carbon dioxide levels from human activity can result to less nutritious crop yields. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Data to support this? Comment by Eric R Wellington: How do you know this? Where is the data? Comment by Eric R Wellington: Evidence? Comment by Eric R Wellington: Comment by Eric R Wellington: this is all repeated form before.
Changes in climate can as well affect the quality of local air. Atmospheric warming related with climate change has the ability to maximize ground level ozone in various parts of the world which may affect compliance with the ozone standards in the future. Concentration of particulate matter and ozone in the air have led to increased climate warming as well as air stagnation as well as rising temperature and carbon dioxide maximize pollen, molds as well as spores which maximizes the risk of allergic respiratory illnesses (Demain, 2018). Given that climate change can impact many unexpected and persistent impacts on allergic respiratory illnesses, it is important to advocate for efficient mitigation as adaptation techniques to reduce its respiratory health impacts (Urrutia-Pereira, Guidos-Fogelbach, & Sole, 2021). Comment by Eric R Wellington: A bit better here.
Measures to Mitigate Climate change
Since air pollution and greenhouse gases are mostly produced from similar sources, thus reducing greenhouse gas emission can be used to reduce climate change. This can be achieved through improving the insulation of building, travelling in more fuel efficient vehicles and using more effective electrical appliance in order to minimize energy use as well as CO2 productions. It can as well be used to reduce personal energy used through turning off lights as well as electronics when they are not being used in order to minimize the demand of electricity. Minimizing the distance that is travelled in vehicles minimizes petroleum consumption. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Again where is the data to support any of this?
In order to manage climate change, it is essential to adapt to life in a changing climate, this mainly involves adjusting to actual or expected future climate. The main aim is to manage the vulnerability to the dangerous impacts of climate change. It mainly involves making the most of any beneficial opportunities related to climate change. People have been adjusting to and coped with changes in climate as well as extremes with various levels of success. As the climate change, we are required to learn to adapt, the more the climate changes, the harder it could be. People should work on building flood defenses, plan for heat waves as well as high temperatures, establish water permeable pavements to address the issue of floods as well as storm water and enhance water storage and use. Comment by Eric R Wellington: How do we know this will work. Comment by Eric R Wellington: How? Comment by Eric R Wellington: Who is saying this?
Technological innovation should as well be promoted to deal with climate change. Some technological solutions such as solar panels and wind turbines that turn sun and wind into electricity without producing greenhouse gases are effective ways of dealing with climate change. As technologies have scaled up and converted energy more effectively, they have now reduced in price to become cheaper in comparison to fuels all over the world. Comment by Eric R Wellington: This is a very good part, but again you have no support tor data/
Additionally, consumer appliances and equipment standards should be introduced. Retrofitting building which involve modifying the existing commercial buildings which may enhance energy efficiency or decrease energy demand. It involves upgrading the energy performance of commercial building assets for their ongoing life. Renewable energy can be used to reduce carbon pollution and has minimal carbon pollution and has minimal impact on the environment. They do not produce carbon dioxide as well as other greenhouse gases which lead to global warming. This may as well involve introducing feed on tariffs, market based appliances and fiscal instrument to improve the investment in clean energy (Hayes, et al., 2018). They are promising small scale producers of the energy which is an above market price for that which they delivered to the grid. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Give specific evidence on how this works and why it might help change.
Counter Argument Comment by Eric R Wellington: Remove heading.
Carbon dioxide is a global pollutant which is as a result of maximized human activities. This is because it is mainly as a result of burning fossil fuels, producing chemicals in the air, minimizing the level of forest cover and the rapid expansion of farming, as well as industrial operations are producing carbon dioxide in the air and changing the balance of the climate system. Additionally, the developing nation is responsible of about 63% of the current carbon emissions. This is due to increased deforestation as a result of resource exploitation, and urban expansion. Comment by Eric R Wellington: This needs much more work and you should be bringing up the counter to all major points and again with evidence.
Conclusion
Climate change has a major impact on the cost to an individual health. It an impact both the social and environmental determinants of health which may include clean air, safe drinking water, food as well as shelter. The direct damage costs to health are about 4 billion per year by 2030. Minimizing emissions of greenhouse gases through effective transport, food and energy use options can lead to enhanced health mainly through minimized air pollution. Comment by Eric R Wellington: Comment by Eric R Wellington: Where did this data come from.
References
Demain, J. G. (2018). Climate change and the impact on respiratory and allergic disease: 2018. Current allergy and asthma reports, 18(4), 1-5.
Hayes, K., Blashki, G., Wiseman, J., Burke, S., & Reifels, L. (2018). Climate change and mental health: Risks, impacts and priority actions. International journal of mental health systems, 12(1), 1-12.
Mocuta, D. N. (2017). Influence of the climate changes on the human life quality, in rural areas. Revista de Chimie, 68(6), 1392-1396.
Urrutia-Pereira, M., Guidos-Fogelbach, G., & Solé, D. (2021). Climate changes, air pollution and allergic diseases in childhood and adolescence. Jornal de pediatria.
Ragavan, M. I., Marcil, L. E., & Garg, A. (2020). Climate change as a social determinant of health. Pediatrics, 145(5).
Reflection Questions
Provide one example of a place where you have used rhetorical appeals or source material to support your argument. How does this enhance your essay? (2-3 sentences)
I use source material throughout my essay. I as well made use of statistics to explain that more than 70% of the world’s population gets majority of the daily nutrients from plants.
Touchstone 4 is a revision of this draft. What kind of feedback would be helpful for you as you revise? Are there parts of your draft that you’re uncertain of? (3-4 sentences).
I believe that I have done my best in this draft. Therefore I would consider having another person identify my mistakes and have them give their opinion. A detailed evaluation on my work will assist me identify the errors that might be hard for me to identify. Comment by Eric R Wellington: You make good point, but need to back them up.
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Touchstone 3.2 Rubric and Feedback |
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Rubric Category |
Feedback |
Score (acceptable, needs improvement etc.) |
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Argument Development and Support |
he argument is poorly developed with irrelevant details that frequently distract from the argument; there is little evidence of the use of rhetorical appeals and/or source material. |
20/40 Needs improvement |
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Research |
Does not cite sources, or citation is consistently inappropriate; does not reference sources and/or sources are not credible or appropriate. |
0/30 Non performance |
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Organization |
Includes all of the required components of an argumentative research paper, including an introduction with background information, an argumentative thesis, an adequate number of body paragraphs with topic sentences, a body paragraph addressing counterargument(s), and a conclusion with a concluding statement. |
10/15 Proficient |
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Style |
Demonstrates generally effective style choices, but may include occasional redundancies, imprecise language, poor word choice, and/or repetitive sentence structures. |
3/5 acceptable |
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Conventions |
There are occasional minor errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage. |
4/5 Proficient |
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Reflection |
Demonstrates thoughtful reflection; includes multiple insights, observations, and/or examples, following response length guidelines. |
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Total 41/100 I have inserted several comments in the paper for places to review to improve. You have some fine points, but need to be much more clear and provide data and reference to back up those points. There is very little to a counter argument and no support for many of your points. The topic is a good one, but much more detailed and supported analysis needs to be made. |
