For this assignment you will revise two of the three emails below. These revisions should be grounded in the practices we have learned about during weeks three and four. After revising the emails you will write a short process analysis to accompany each that explains why you made specific revisions and what problems from the original email your changes/additions resolved.
To accompany each email revision, you should write a 200-300 word process analysis. Explain why you chose the specific changes that you made. Use specific examples from your revision and the originals to support your analysis. Make sure to reference the notes, textbook, and/or journal articles that led you to make the changes. Why did you change particular words, for instance, or how does the additional information affect the way that the message could be received. Each short analysis will be worth a total of 25 points.
Below are two inflammatory emails. You need to revise the subject lines, body, and closing remarks in each. Remember that emails try to communicate information clearly and efficiently. Also keep in mind that you need to give the reader enough detail so that he or she is able to respond appropriately or prepare adequately for a face-to-face meeting. Each of the two rewrites is worth 25 points.
Option 1: An email written from a teacher to a student
To:
almn134@students.uwf.edu
From:
anoke@uwf.edu
Subject: Really?
Alicia,
Your disrespect for my time is infuriating. You requested an urgent meeting with me to discuss specific issues in your classwork, and then failed to show up! I prepared for the meeting, reviewed your assignments and the comments I ALREADY made on them, and reviewed the rubrics I ALREADY attached to your assignment. We are talking about at least an hour of prep work for our meeting AFTER I already spent time evaluating and commenting on your work. I even allowed you to schedule the meeting outside of office hours. How do you expect to succeed in a workplace scenario if this is how you behave with a supervisor? If I thought that you actually read the material I provided in class, your lack of attention in this situation would make me feel like a failure. I am no longer available to speak with you about this matter.
Good Luck,
April Noke
Option 2: An email from a supervisor to her employee team
To: Gmattecs@professionallooks.com;
Amaces@professionallooks.com
;
Rshafer@professionallooks.com;
Ccallan@professionallooks.com
From:
Theboss@professionallooks.com
Subject: Your failure makes me look bad
When you miss a deadline, I am the one who looks like I have failed. You make me look like I can’t lead this team. I’m the one who answers to corporate. Not you. How many times did we sit in morning meetings and go over the deadlines for the FancyKitty cat food campaign? None of you mentioned having any difficulty in performing your assigned tasks then. One billboard and two full page print advertisements –that’s all your team had to accomplish. Let me state this just once. Changes will be made. Understand? Now’s the time to decide if you want this job.
I’m watching you,
Your Boss
