1A. Honestly reflect on your usual listening style and answer each of the following questions by checking the appropriate box
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rarely or never |
sometimes |
frequently or always |
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Do you ever pretend like you’re paying attention when you’re not? |
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Do you ever find yourself shifting the conversation to talk about your own experiences and/or problems? |
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Do you ever get distracted by outside noises or stimuli when listening to someone talk? |
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Do you find yourself planning what you will say next while your conversation partner is still talking? |
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Do you ever interrupt others? |
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Do you ever finish other people’s sentences? |
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Does your mind ever wander during a conversation? |
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Do you focus on the words being said and conveniently ignore the feelings that lurk below the words? |
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How often are you aware of the body language of your conversation partner? |
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Do you feel the need to find something to say during periods of silence in a conversation? |
Assignment 5: Active Listening – Practicing the SOLER Technique (Egan, 1986)
▪ Even those of us who feel that we’re good listeners can sometimes catch ourselves planning on what
we’ll say next rather than really hearing what the other person is saying. But using active listening
techniques helps to keep us focused on the speaker’s message. It’s a fundamental skill for anyone
wishing to build better relationships at work and at home.
▪ Using the SOLAR active listening technique (Egan, 1986), often used by healthcare providers:
– demonstrates that we’re hearing what the other person is saying and that their views are important
to us,
– requires the listener to provide both verbal and non-verbal feedback to the speaker, and
– helps others to feel heard and valued while ensuring that their messages are fully understood by
the listener.
By following the SOLER guidelines, you’ll find that your listening skills improve and become much more
effective.
Egan, G. (1986). The Skilled Helper, 3rd Ed. Brooks/Cole.
▪ SOLER Guidelines
1. Give the speaker your full attention
Remind yourself of the SOLER techniques and ensure that you remove any possible distractions such as
your phone, computer or any paperwork. Make sure that you’re comfortable and the room isn’t too hot
or cold – concentration is much more difficult when we’re focused on external stimuli. If you’re in a
rush, suggest delaying the discussion until you’re able to give the other person your full and
uninterrupted attention.
2. Offer the speaker regular encouragement
Listening actively allows us to help the speaker to feel more comfortable if they’re uncertain or
anxious, and this includes being careful not to interrupt the speaker, not put words in their mouth,
or start to discuss our own experiences and problems. Supporting someone to find their own words
in their own time sometimes requires us to sit with the silence and give them the space to think
through what they need to say. Gentle nodding or smiling when it’s appropriate can help the
speaker to feel at ease and unrushed. If the speaker is feeling emotional, give them time to collect
their thoughts and resist the temptation to interrupt them. You can respond to their feelings later
by acknowledging them when giving feedback (summarizing). You might say something like “I can
hear that you’re really upset about this. Take as much time as you need.” Giving someone the space
to communicate their distress is very validating and demonstrates that you’ve heard them and are
not judging their experience.
3. Reflect to check your understanding
Reflecting helps you to demonstrate that you’ve heard what the speaker has said. A reflective
statement is one that briefly focuses on the speaker’s message rather than their feelings about it. By
using your own words rather than the speaker’s (i.e. paraphrasing) you are checking your
understanding while letting them know that you’ve been actively listening. An example of reflection
might be “You’re having childcare difficulties and would like a few days off to sort things out”, or
“You’d like a pay raise because you feel that you’ve been putting in more effort than others on the
team”. There is no judgment involved in reflecting, nor are you responding to the speaker’s request
or needs. You’re simply checking your understanding of what they’re saying so that you can work
with them towards a solution. Reflecting is also helpful when you might still need to clarify what the
other person is saying. Phrases like “Am I correct in thinking that you’re saying…” are helpful as is
asking open-ended questions (i.e. “tell me more about…”, “help me to understand…”). Taking
the time to reflect back to the speaker makes it easier for you to understand what the speaker
needs while supporting them to really get their message across.
4. Summarizing
Once the speaker is finished, summarizing requires the listener to pull together the speaker’s main
ideas and feelings to demonstrate that they have understood the whole conversation. Summarizing is
useful when a lot of information has been covered and it also helps the speaker to hear a playback of
what they’ve been saying. For example, if the speaker has told you of a number of issues they’re having
you might say “it seems that you’re very unhappy at the moment. Your home life sounds very stressful
and you’re really tired. You’ve also let me know that you’re feeling quite low and don’t know where to
begin because everything feels overwhelming”. You’ve put the speaker’s thoughts into a concise
summary which allows them to add anything they feel is needed to reach a solution.
Assignment Instructions
Watch the short video – The Transformative Power of Listening
1.A. Honestly reflect on your usual listening style and answer each of the following questions by checking
the appropriate box and writing a 5-7 sentence paragraph reflecting on your usual listening style.
rarely or
never
sometimes frequently
or always
Do you ever pretend like you’re paying attention when you’re
not?
Do you ever find yourself shifting the conversation to talk about
your own experiences and/or problems?
Do you ever get distracted by outside noises or stimuli when
listening to someone talk?
Do you find yourself planning what you will say next while your
conversation partner is still talking?
Do you ever interrupt others?
Do you ever finish other people’s sentences?
Does your mind ever wander during a conversation?
Do you focus on the words being said and conveniently ignore
the feelings that lurk below the words?
How often are you aware of the body language of your
conversation partner?
Do you feel the need to find something to say during periods of
silence in a conversation?
See next page for further instruction.
1B. Once completed, write a brief (1 – 2 paragraph) reflection on your listening results. Is your listening style
dependent on context (work vs home), who you are talking to, and/or what you are talking about? Or is your
listening style consistent in all contexts?
2. In your own words, explain the SOLER technique, and discuss the pros and cons of this technique.
3. Read/review the summary of active listening (above), then observe two people who are having a
conversation.
a. How do they listen to each other – are they actively listening to each other – how do you know?
b. Write down, assess, and discuss what you see.
c. How many components of active listening did you observe?
d. How did the level of active listening impact the conversation, from your observation?
4. Now try practicing active listening with at least two different people. Be natural. This shouldn’t seem
forced or unusual although it might feel a little odd at first.
a. What happened when you tried active listening?
b. Did the person you were talking to respond differently? If so, how?
c. Reflect on the process, and comment on how this process relates to the answers you provided in
question 1.
Submit to the Dropbox provided.
1. Table 1A: Usual listening style and 5-7 sentence reflection on Table 1A results
2. Discussion of the SOLER technique
3. Observation of a conversation (a-d)
4. Reflect on your own active listening practice (a-c)
